In memoriam
by thuskindlyiscatter
Summary: A SUPER late present for momoxtoshiro, who was lamenting the lack of whiterose lately, hope you like it Hana! This was meant to be super fluffy but... my music wouldn't allow it :s Trigger warnings for depression, self-harm and suicide (in the later chapters).


It had been blissful, for a time. Those first few months at the beginning, when everything was going well, and there was nothing they couldn't do. She had thought it would last forever, that her joy would be unending. Oh how wrong she was. Not long after Weiss' eighteenth birthday, Ruby began to notice a change, one that she couldn't understand, no matter how hard she might try. And make no mistake, she had tried. Over and over again, to no avail. Everything she could think of, no matter how small, she had tried it. Giving her girlfriend space, spending more time with her, taking her to see her favourite play, even that thing she liked. That thing with her hair. None of it had worked, and over the coming months, Weiss had continued to drift away from her, growing so distant Ruby wasn't even sure she knew her anymore. It hurt, knowing she couldn't help, that she wasn't enough. It hurt more than anything Ruby could ever have imagined. She spent her nights alone now, lying awake, wondering if it was because of her. If she'd done something, or simply if Weiss no longer loved her. But the worst part? The worst part was wondering if there was someone else. Someone else out there that could make Weiss happy, and wondering why it was no longer her.

Too long. These fears had been with her too long. Too long, gnawing at her mind. Too long, playing upon her doubts and insecurities. One evening in mid-August, as summer was drawing to a close, it became too much. After what was possibly her worst day at school in living memory, Ruby had come home, thrown her bag down by the door and collapsed on the couch. Pulling her phone out, she sent Weiss an after-school message, as per usual.

[New message]: Weiss:  
><em>Hey sweetie how was your day?<br>mine wasn't very good… actually it was pretty bad  
>it gets really lonely now that you've stopped coming<br>and with yang and blake gone…  
>I don't know<br>I just… I miss you weiss  
>I really do<br>could you message me back this time…? please?  
>I love you weiss xoxo 3<em>

She hit send with a sigh, stuffing her phone under the couch cushion and curling up, not bothering to take her boots off. How many times had she done this now? How many nights had she lay here, waiting for a response she knew wouldn't come? She felt that familiar prickling, crawling through her gut and up her throat, promptly reaching her eyes. Silently cursing herself, Ruby tried in vain to force back the single tear that rolled down her cheek, dampening the upholstery.

_'How many?' _

She told herself not to do it. She knew she'd regret it. Yet she still found herself reaching for her phone, swiping her password and scrolling back through the messages. Back to the last message Weiss had sent her, over a month ago.

[Message]: Queenie: 28/6/14 - 1:19 PM  
><em>Hey princess still coming over after school?<br>3_

[Message reply]: Queenie: 28/6/14 - 2:47 PM  
><em>Yeah<em>

And that was it. One word. Not, a comment about the pet-name. Nothing. She remembered the afternoon; walking in and dropping onto the couch like always, Weiss sitting down beside her with all her usual elegance. Flicking the TV on, she'd cuddled up next to her girlfriend, taking comfort in the arm draped across her shoulders. Though looking back, Ruby was certain even that was forced. Or maybe she was just being paranoid. She didn't know anymore. She didn't know what to make of the time they shared, whether it was real. And that scared her. She kept scrolling.

[Message]: Queenie: 29/6/14 - 10:12 AM  
><em>Hey why arent you at school?<br>everything ok?  
>3<em>

[Message]: Queenie: 29/6/14 - 5:17 PM  
><em>Weiss im really freaking out here<br>are you ok?  
>can I come over?<br>3_

There where messages like that for hours, and a dozen unanswered calls to-boot. Feeling her chest constrict, Ruby skipped ahead a few weeks.

[Message]: Queenie: 18/7/14 - 4:26 PM  
><em>You havent been at school all week and you wont answer my messages or calls<br>every time I come over your 'not there'  
>why not?<br>whats wrong?  
>I love you<br>3_

[Message]: Weiss: 23/7/14 - 11:54 PM  
><em>did I do something?<br>im sorry for whatever it was just please  
>please message me?<br>im worried about you…_

A few days later, she finally resigned herself to not hearing back from Weiss. For almost a month she hadn't been at school. Ruby had seen her twice throughout this whole period. The first was when she let herself into her house uninvited. What she had seen scared her; Weiss was lying, barely conscious, on her bed, empty bottles strewn about her room. Ruby had wanted to scream and shout and plead for her to stop, to talk to her. Instead, she settled for a whispered conversation, though how much of it Weiss understood was a mystery. Not long after, Weiss had passed out, and Ruby simply cuddled her until she had to leave. The next, she was leaving school with her father. Ruby had called out to her that time, but whether Weiss heard her or not, she left without saying a word. A few days later Ruby had started sending a nightly message. Not with any real hope of hearing from her girlfriend, if she was indeed still her girlfriend. No, she was sending these messages for two reasons: one, to assure Weiss that she loved her, and two, to keep herself sane. It had become her routine, to send these messages, almost as a form of therapy. It gave her something to look forward to, the night when she finally got a reply, but it never came. A few times she had tried apologizing, for whatever it was she had done, however, that yielded no better results.

Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, sobs wracking her small body. Ruby wasn't sure how long she lay there, but it was noticeably darker the next time she opened her eyes. So absorbed in her own thoughts, she didn't hear the door click closed.

"Ruuubes, I'm home!" Yang called into the house. Ruby froze, desperately trying to control her ragged breathing. She wiped her eyes on a sleeve and did her best to look at ease. Her best wasn't very convincing.

Yang stopped dead when she saw her sister. She'd caught her crying more times than she was comfortable with lately, but usually Ruby had in under control enough that Yang could pretend she didn't see anything. She was sick with worry, but she got the impression it was a topic she would do well to avoid. Seeing her like that though, eyes puffy and bloodshot, cheeks stained with tears, there was no way she could overlook this anymore. Her helmet and keys clattered to the ground as Yang almost ran to the couch.

"Shit Rubes!" she gasped, sitting down and gathering her up in a hug, gentler than her usual brand of rib-cracking affection. "Hey, hey." She cooed, trying to calm her distraught sister. "What is it? What's wrong?" She hoped against hope it wasn't what she suspected. It took some time for Ruby to calm down enough to speak, her breath hitching at every attempt. By the time she got a word out, they were sitting in almost total darkness, the only light coming from the screen of Ruby's phone. And after all that, all Ruby said was:

"I'm fine, Yang. Thanks, but don't worry 'bout it." Yang almost screamed, though she managed to hold it in; just. Instead, she opted for a gentler tactic.

"It's Weiss… isn't it?" She queried hesitantly. Ruby shook her head, whether trying to deny it, or simply not wanting to enter into conversation, Yang couldn't tell.

"It's fine, really." She paused for a moment. "I think I'm just gonna go to bed, I'll see you in the morning."

"Ruby Rose, don't you dare move." Yang growled, using her 'work' voice; usually reserved for unruly club goers. Ruby whipped her head around, dropping back onto the couch in surprise. For a moment she swore she caught a crimson glint in her sister's lilac eyes, her brow creasing, before shaking it off.

'_A trick of the light.'_

Struck dumb by the steel in her voice, Ruby simply glared.

"Tell me what's wrong. Why haven't I heard from, let-alone seen, Weiss in almost a month?" Yang sat glowering in silence, arms folded, awaiting a response. Seconds ticked by. Just as she thought she wasn't going to get an answer, Ruby spoke.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Apparently she was right.

"Duly noted, now tell me everything." Yang sighed. She was over this. She would bully the answer out of her if she had to, comfort zone be damned.

"Yang," Ruby replied flatly, looking her sister in the eye. "I said I don't wanna talk about it."

"Hmm…." Yang put a finger to her lips in mock contemplation. "You seem to have missed the part where I don't give a shit." She replied with her usual sarcasm, though the humour Ruby had come to expect under her words was absent. Glancing across, she barely had time to let out an 'eep' before being engulfed in another of Yang's 'Big-sister' hugs. When she spoke, Ruby felt herself go cold. In all her seventeen years, she had never once heard her sister sound so afraid, so…

"Ruby _please_, please tell me what's wrong." Yang pleaded, her voice cracking.

'_Desperate._'

It had been so long since Yang had let her composure slip, that note of fear and doubt seeping into her tone. she couldn't remember the last time she hadn't been in control, and she was afraid; for Ruby and herself. Her little sister had always come to her when she needed help, except now. This time she hadn't sought Yang out, instead secluding herself, gradually growing more and more despondent. Yang had thought that Ruby just needed time, and she would come to her when she was ready, as always. However as time went by, first days, and then weeks, it became clear that wasn't going to happen. Coming home one particular Thursday evening, she had walked in on her sister, curled up, crying on the couch; the last straw. And thus, Yang found herself holding Ruby in her arms, unsure of what she should, or even could, do.

"I-I don't know." Ruby quaked, unsure of how to respond. This was the invincible Yang Xiao Long, the girl who had never backed down from a fight, who had always faced every challenge, whether it be improving her track time, or learning to bake cookies, head on, with a cocky smirk and a witty one-liner. And here she was, unable to stop herself trembling. Yang hadn't cried a day in her life, as far as Ruby was aware. If her big sister had lost the plot, what was she to do? Ruby's breathing sped up, her heart pounding in her chest as she began to panic. She clutched at Yang's clothes, burying her face in her neck as she sobbed. Yang murmured in her ear, soothing words rolling off her tongue, just like after Summer had left, when she would try in vain to comfort her confused sister, who could do nothing but tearfully ask where their mother was, not comprehending why she hadn't come home. She ran her fingers through silky red-black hair, the way she had done since they were little, on those nights when Ruby would crawl her way into Yang's bed after a nightmare, seeking the comfort of another warm body. She held her close, as she had since before she could remember.

"Tell me…" Yang begged, praying she would have more luck this time. Ruby didn't respond straight away, instead sniffling against her sister's neck, debating whether or not to respond.

"She hasn't spoken to me in weeks Yang!" She burst out, the words coming in a rush. "I don't know what to do, every time I try and talk to her she just ignores me, it's like I don't exist! Is it my fault?"

"No, no of course not, don't say that." Whether or not that was true, Yang didn't know, but like hell she was going to tell her sister it _might _be her fault right now. It was comfort she needed, not honesty.

"What did I do to make her this angry at me? I've apologised so many times, and I don't even know what for! She never answers my calls, and whenever I go over there her dad just says 'she isn't in', but she never goes anywhere, and she doesn't go to school anymore, so she's _gotta _be in there. Has she told him not to let me in?" She ranted rhetorically, knowing Yang couldn't give her an answer. "I just want her to talk to me, even if it's just to yell at me, it'd be better than this!"

"Ruby stop. Just calm down, this isn't helping." Yang said bracingly, tucking an auburn strand behind her ear. "Look, I'll tell ya what," She began, letting her sister go and looking into her iron eyes. "I'm gonna go get pizza and you" She emphasized the last word, cutting Ruby off before she could interrupt. "are going to choose a movie, then grab every single pillow, blanket and teddy bear in this house and meet me back here in an hour, got it?"

"But I-"

"_Got it?"_ Silence.

"Yeah, ok." Ruby mumbled, the ghost of a smile passing across her lips as she dried her eyes. "Thanks, Yang."

"Sure, anytime." Yang grinned, relieved that her ploy worked. "I'll be back soon, get to work!" She grunted, jumping off the couch and picking up her helmet and keys.

"Slave driver." Ruby laughed slightly.

"If it gets results." Yang shrugged. "I want that movie ready to go as soon as I walk in the door, Rubes." Ruby stuck her tongue out in response; a good sign. Yang gave a parting wink, letting her face drop as the door clicked shut behind her. With a sigh, she ran her fingers through her hair and donned her helmet, walking over and swinging her leg over Bumblebee, giving the gleaming bike an affectionate pat.

'_And here I was hoping for a quiet evening.' _ She slid the key in and gave it a turn, the engine roaring into life. Tearing out of the driveway, she turned right, away from the city.

'_A slight detour first.'_

She thought to herself grimly, racing towards the residence of one Weiss Schnee.


End file.
